I'm torn about whether or not to even write today. I have a lot on my mind, and to be honest I'm afraid of what might work its way into this blog. I usually try to write when I'm on a mountaintop and God's speaking things to me that I am just about to explode to share. Today isn't one of those days, but I still feel led to write. Here's the problem with being vulnerable - people can use your words against you if they so choose. But to tell you the truth, I need to be vulnerable, open, and honest today. I need to blog. So here goes.
Shauna and I had a conference call last night with our new adoption agency. It's an incredible agency, made up of adoptive moms that understand the process firsthand, which makes it so much easier on the couples they work with. It was a long call - about 40 minutes. They answered every question, and basically explained the process to us. Should we proceed with this agency, we're working with Christians, and we'll be flying to a hospital in a few months to pick up our new angel straight from a delivery room. Exciting, huh? Yeah, I thought so to. Then the call continued to the cost.
I have always known adoption was incredibly expensive, but when I found this agency I thought we'd found one that was very reasonable when it came to cost. Now, I sit at my desk with a computer in front of me realizing this dream is a really far stretch, and a long way from becoming reality. This program only accepts 30 couples at a time, and we're one of them. The problem is they need to know within 10 days of the phone consultation whether or not we want to move forward, otherwise they have to give our spot away. $20,000 - and 10 days to decide if we can do it. You do the math.
To say the least, I've been down since that call ended. For the benefit of the reader I've got to admit that's not all that's on my mind right now, it's just the HUGE cherry on top of an already heavy load of concerns and issues beating me up right now. Some of you will write and offer great words of advice, and probably even share some Scripture with me, which is fine. But, I just want to remind you - I'm simply being open, honest, and see-through. This is what I feel right now.
If you were to ask me what I want most right now in my life - more than anything else, my answer would be so quick and simple. See, God has already blessed me beyond all imagination. My wife, Shauna, is an angel straight from God Himself, the most amazing wife I could ever imagine anyone having ever, and He gave her to me. I love her dearly. He's given me the opportunity to share His Word on daily occasions, which is a huge blessing considering that's my calling in life. So what do I want, honestly, more than anything else in this world: to be called Daddy. I dream about it - I think about it constantly. And every time I hear that word mouthed by a small child, my heart breaks. That's the truth from my heart this morning.
Then I turn on the news last night and see 3 different stories about abused or neglected children. One of them from Austin, AR - the town that Shauna's parents live in - where two folks were cooking meth in the home with their 2 year old right there with them. Not long after that story was a story on abortion rights and the Presidents comments regarding them. Seriously? I know for a fact there are thousands upon thousands of couples just like us across this nation that are longing for the amazing privilege of being parents - and we're debating whether or not to kill the innocent babies we can't seem to have?
As I said earlier and you can see now, a lot is going through my mind. And I'm writing for one reason - it's therapy for me I guess. And I'm going to be honest once more with my readers: I really don't need advice or all the answers that everyone thinks they have. Just be understanding with us this morning and do this one thing: pray. I long for your prayers for Shauna and I. The desires of my heart are for her to get the chance to be the amazing mom I know she'd be, and for me to get the chance to be a dad as well. So just pray - I appreciate it.
That's just a thought.
blake
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
A day in the life...
What a day yesterday was! Let me give you an idea of what I went to sleep last night having experienced on Sunday:
*A great 8:30 service with a group of people I love dearly,
*An awesome 10:45 service seeing God move among us through His Spirit,
*Lunch with the love of my life (Shauna), and my amazing deacons and their wives,
*A family meeting that went, as usual, very well with our hearts united,
*An evangelism training session, where I can see God's people being stirred up to reach the lost (even getting to hear one story from Whitney Heird of winning 5 girls to Christ at Girls' State last week!!!)
*A simply awe inspiring, amazing time of laying on of hands and prayer with Michael, Gary K, Joel, and Doug over a man in much need of a touch from above last night after Evangelism Training (the Holy Spirit was there in a powerful way and we were reminded by Him that this is what we're called to do - almost felt like we were in the book of Acts in the early church...it was sweet!)
*I then went home to my amazing gift of God of a wife. Life is good.
God has renewed my passion to do what He's called me to do. In all my life I've had different aspirations. When I was young I thought I wanted to be a policeman. I truly thought that would be my profession. For a while it was a C-130 pilot in the air force. And I'll admit - for a while I even thought I'd be in politics eventually...(some still think that should happen, but I've referred them to some really good doctors for counseling... :) ).
However, as I've really searched my heart God has confirmed something within me: in all my life, there's only been two things I've realized I could not live without. There have only been two things that my heart BURNED to do - that I realize I would have an inescapable void in my life if they weren't there. Two things, just two. One - be a husband to Shauna. From the first time I met this amazing woman, I realized she would be my wife...it just took me 10 months to convince her. :) I want to be her husband - I HAVE to be her husband. Without her in my life, I'd not be who I am today. I need my wife. That's one.
The other holds just as strong of a hold on my heart. God called me, at the age of 14, to preach. There's no doubt in my mind - nothing had ever been clearer to me in my life that far - He was calling. And I answered. Along the way there have been distractions. In the past year and a half there have been distractions. Pastoring a church is not a breeze, let me tell ya. There's overseeing staff, budgets, ministries, dealing with possible conflicts, counseling, being on call 24/7...and then brilliant me went off and joined the Fire Department and became a Chaplain...which added another on call 24/7 hat to my head. I'm not knocking that, though, God has been good in giving me so many opportunities to share Him through that ministry, and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world! If you think I am tired of being on the FD you must realize: if I got tired, I'm simply quit - it's just that simple. I'm not tired - I LOVE IT!
All that to say this: I love what He's given me the privilege of doing. He called me to preach, and I get to do that 7 days a week - not just on Sunday! And on Sunday - I get to do it twice in the morning alone! Sure there are "down days" when things seem tough and mountains seem too tall to climb. But you see, it's in those days that He speaks to my word and reminds me...it's with faith the size of a mustard seed that those mountains can be MOVED, not just climbed! What a mighty God we serve, and His grace, mercy, goodness, and benevolent blessings blow my mind.
In December 2007, Shauna and I left "home" at Victory Baptist Church in Cabot. We left Shauna's family who lived 5 minutes from us, and mine that lived 15 minutes from us. We left DEEP friendships that had developed over 5 years or more of ministry. We left a good, vibrant ministry that had a very bright future with all kinds of possibilities to reach students and their families. Sure, we LEFT a lot. But more and more each day, I'm realizing what we GOT. We GOT a church family that's second to none, that loves one another and will fight to the finish to support one of us in need. We GOT friends that are amazing. I don't mean to single anyone out, but Joel, Michael, Doug, John, Charlie...and the list goes on and on. I got friends - people I can unload to without worry of it backfiring. And then God brought Josh and Marty back to me by bringing them here, as well. Since that unanimous vote in December of 2007, our lives have changed drastically - but only for the better. We still have lasting friendship with folks in Cabot - don't know where I'd be today without Bro. Ben, just to name one. He's a second dad, or grandpa...whichever title he chooses! God brought us here, but allowed us to continue friendships that matter so deeply to us. Whoa...God overwhelms me sometimes.
So today, take great JOY in what you do - He's placed you there for a reason.
You are a missionary - every single one of you. Don't let anyone slip into hell without fighting for their soul.
Your Pastor loves you more than you know.
blake
*A great 8:30 service with a group of people I love dearly,
*An awesome 10:45 service seeing God move among us through His Spirit,
*Lunch with the love of my life (Shauna), and my amazing deacons and their wives,
*A family meeting that went, as usual, very well with our hearts united,
*An evangelism training session, where I can see God's people being stirred up to reach the lost (even getting to hear one story from Whitney Heird of winning 5 girls to Christ at Girls' State last week!!!)
*A simply awe inspiring, amazing time of laying on of hands and prayer with Michael, Gary K, Joel, and Doug over a man in much need of a touch from above last night after Evangelism Training (the Holy Spirit was there in a powerful way and we were reminded by Him that this is what we're called to do - almost felt like we were in the book of Acts in the early church...it was sweet!)
*I then went home to my amazing gift of God of a wife. Life is good.
God has renewed my passion to do what He's called me to do. In all my life I've had different aspirations. When I was young I thought I wanted to be a policeman. I truly thought that would be my profession. For a while it was a C-130 pilot in the air force. And I'll admit - for a while I even thought I'd be in politics eventually...(some still think that should happen, but I've referred them to some really good doctors for counseling... :) ).
However, as I've really searched my heart God has confirmed something within me: in all my life, there's only been two things I've realized I could not live without. There have only been two things that my heart BURNED to do - that I realize I would have an inescapable void in my life if they weren't there. Two things, just two. One - be a husband to Shauna. From the first time I met this amazing woman, I realized she would be my wife...it just took me 10 months to convince her. :) I want to be her husband - I HAVE to be her husband. Without her in my life, I'd not be who I am today. I need my wife. That's one.
The other holds just as strong of a hold on my heart. God called me, at the age of 14, to preach. There's no doubt in my mind - nothing had ever been clearer to me in my life that far - He was calling. And I answered. Along the way there have been distractions. In the past year and a half there have been distractions. Pastoring a church is not a breeze, let me tell ya. There's overseeing staff, budgets, ministries, dealing with possible conflicts, counseling, being on call 24/7...and then brilliant me went off and joined the Fire Department and became a Chaplain...which added another on call 24/7 hat to my head. I'm not knocking that, though, God has been good in giving me so many opportunities to share Him through that ministry, and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world! If you think I am tired of being on the FD you must realize: if I got tired, I'm simply quit - it's just that simple. I'm not tired - I LOVE IT!
All that to say this: I love what He's given me the privilege of doing. He called me to preach, and I get to do that 7 days a week - not just on Sunday! And on Sunday - I get to do it twice in the morning alone! Sure there are "down days" when things seem tough and mountains seem too tall to climb. But you see, it's in those days that He speaks to my word and reminds me...it's with faith the size of a mustard seed that those mountains can be MOVED, not just climbed! What a mighty God we serve, and His grace, mercy, goodness, and benevolent blessings blow my mind.
In December 2007, Shauna and I left "home" at Victory Baptist Church in Cabot. We left Shauna's family who lived 5 minutes from us, and mine that lived 15 minutes from us. We left DEEP friendships that had developed over 5 years or more of ministry. We left a good, vibrant ministry that had a very bright future with all kinds of possibilities to reach students and their families. Sure, we LEFT a lot. But more and more each day, I'm realizing what we GOT. We GOT a church family that's second to none, that loves one another and will fight to the finish to support one of us in need. We GOT friends that are amazing. I don't mean to single anyone out, but Joel, Michael, Doug, John, Charlie...and the list goes on and on. I got friends - people I can unload to without worry of it backfiring. And then God brought Josh and Marty back to me by bringing them here, as well. Since that unanimous vote in December of 2007, our lives have changed drastically - but only for the better. We still have lasting friendship with folks in Cabot - don't know where I'd be today without Bro. Ben, just to name one. He's a second dad, or grandpa...whichever title he chooses! God brought us here, but allowed us to continue friendships that matter so deeply to us. Whoa...God overwhelms me sometimes.
So today, take great JOY in what you do - He's placed you there for a reason.
You are a missionary - every single one of you. Don't let anyone slip into hell without fighting for their soul.
Your Pastor loves you more than you know.
blake
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Dreams from a dreamer
I have been thinking back, today. Do you remember the days early in life when anything seemed possible? I mean, ANYTHING. If you had a dream of some job you wanted to have, you could not only achieve that, but be the best in the field? If you wanted to be a police officer, you would not only become one, but you'd nab every most wanted felone in the continental United States...all on your first day at work. Remember those days?
My dream was always just that - to be a police officer. I played "cops and robbers" with neighbors constantly as a child, and never stopped to think until later that maybe they didn't want to be the bad guys all the time...nevertheless, they were, and they always got busted! I just assumed that some day, when the time came, I'd go to the academy and follow that dream. But along about the age of 14, something else directed my future plans - a call of God to be a preacher. There was no doubting it - it was a clear cut thing. That would be my future, and I have no regrets about taking this road, either.
When I first began this journey of ministry, I must admit I was still a dreamer. I had envisioned that I would be some amazing preacher that had all the ideas the church world had been waiting for. I thought, deep down inside, that I would eventually be that pastor that everyone thought hung the moon - that you wouldn't be able to stop people from coming through the doors of the church I would pastor, because it would be so incredible. Yes - those were dreams, and I'll admit that at the age of 14 I was not only a lofty dreamer, but a tad bit ego-centric as well.
Now to reality: pastoring isn't easy, and having good "ideas" doesn't equal the instant success of reaching untold multitudes in a short amount of time. I'm finding more and more each day that the more I depend on my own talents or abilities, however strong or weak they are, the less I get to see Him accomplish in ministry. More days than not it's a struggle, even when I'm on the mountaintop of ministry. The simple fact of the matter is that I have an enemy, and so do you. He despises the work of God, and the more lost folks that come to Christ and begin a discipleship journey with Him, the more the enemy fights.
I don't know why people walk away from the fight. I don't know why people turn their backs on the church or its leadership. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know why people neglect commiting to follow Him in what He's calling them to do. But I do know this: our King is coming back any minute, and I don't want to be doing my own thing when He does.
So, here ya go - some "dreams from a dreamer." I have an undying dream of reaching the community that God has placed me in. I have an undying dream to see men and women, boys and girls come into a relationship with Jesus and follow Him the rest of their lives. I have an undying dream to see His church grow, and the local church He's placed me in explode because its members can't STOP sharing Him with the world. I have an undying dream of a time when financial meetings are a breeze and there aren't ever any tough decisions to be made as to what to cut next. And I have an undying dream...call it a passion, rather...to see Him lifted up in all I do, and in all that the church I serve does, until the day He calls us all back to Himself in the "twinkling of an eye."
That's just a thought, and I welcome your's.
Until next time,
blake
Feel free to email Pastor Blake anytime at pastorblakeman@yahoo.com .
My dream was always just that - to be a police officer. I played "cops and robbers" with neighbors constantly as a child, and never stopped to think until later that maybe they didn't want to be the bad guys all the time...nevertheless, they were, and they always got busted! I just assumed that some day, when the time came, I'd go to the academy and follow that dream. But along about the age of 14, something else directed my future plans - a call of God to be a preacher. There was no doubting it - it was a clear cut thing. That would be my future, and I have no regrets about taking this road, either.
When I first began this journey of ministry, I must admit I was still a dreamer. I had envisioned that I would be some amazing preacher that had all the ideas the church world had been waiting for. I thought, deep down inside, that I would eventually be that pastor that everyone thought hung the moon - that you wouldn't be able to stop people from coming through the doors of the church I would pastor, because it would be so incredible. Yes - those were dreams, and I'll admit that at the age of 14 I was not only a lofty dreamer, but a tad bit ego-centric as well.
Now to reality: pastoring isn't easy, and having good "ideas" doesn't equal the instant success of reaching untold multitudes in a short amount of time. I'm finding more and more each day that the more I depend on my own talents or abilities, however strong or weak they are, the less I get to see Him accomplish in ministry. More days than not it's a struggle, even when I'm on the mountaintop of ministry. The simple fact of the matter is that I have an enemy, and so do you. He despises the work of God, and the more lost folks that come to Christ and begin a discipleship journey with Him, the more the enemy fights.
I don't know why people walk away from the fight. I don't know why people turn their backs on the church or its leadership. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know why people neglect commiting to follow Him in what He's calling them to do. But I do know this: our King is coming back any minute, and I don't want to be doing my own thing when He does.
So, here ya go - some "dreams from a dreamer." I have an undying dream of reaching the community that God has placed me in. I have an undying dream to see men and women, boys and girls come into a relationship with Jesus and follow Him the rest of their lives. I have an undying dream to see His church grow, and the local church He's placed me in explode because its members can't STOP sharing Him with the world. I have an undying dream of a time when financial meetings are a breeze and there aren't ever any tough decisions to be made as to what to cut next. And I have an undying dream...call it a passion, rather...to see Him lifted up in all I do, and in all that the church I serve does, until the day He calls us all back to Himself in the "twinkling of an eye."
That's just a thought, and I welcome your's.
Until next time,
blake
Feel free to email Pastor Blake anytime at pastorblakeman@yahoo.com .
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